Letters to Helen - Kayt Roth

I've no idea what to say. It's just so bitter sweet. It took my breath away. An excellent story of love, heartbreak, first love, realities, disappointment, finding identity, courage, bravery, cowardice, hurdles in life, dreams shattered, love found anew, dreams realised and everything in between of these. It has everything that happens in a person's life.

Mattie is a normal person. Just like any other person living a modest life. Her wedding is coming soon and she is beyond happy. Though John seems a bit off from a few days still Mattie just thought it was his work pressure. John is Mattie's perfect man. Yet, it seems he is not so perfect after-all. Mattie's whole world comes crashing when a letter arrives one day... it has evidences pointing to the fact that John had an affair and now that person is having his baby. Not only that Maria is now dead along with his baby. Mattie is destroyed. All her hopes, dreams goes up in flames.
She is heartbroken.

Helen is a carefree spirit and Mattie's best friend. She is her anchor. Yet, her new boyfriend creates  an impenetrable  wall between them. After Helen's marriage Mattie never hears from her again.

Then there is Graham. Mattie loved him but he never did. He strung her along but he never said he loves her. He is incapable of loving her yet he is not above taking advantage of her feelings for him.

Along the way, there comes several Characters who at first seems to become her friends and sometimes even lovers but as she grows attached to them , they desert her.

Mattie had had enough. She is not a toy to be played with whenever they want and then discarded. Frustrated and fed up with her life she leaves town. Only to fall in love with a lanky guy with a dog. He is the  farthest  person from her 'perfect man' type.

But Mattie is undeniably falling for him and maybe he is too if his behaviors are any sign. But there is a big problem. Mark is Maria's brother.
When revealed will this tear them apart or make their bond more stronger?

Mattie is convinced that she is not supposed to find her happiness in this life. She is destined for loneliness.  She has even gave up on hoping that Mark will turn out to be something more than friend.
It seems everyone she starts caring about ups and leaves her in the dust.
Mattie is sure that Mark will be no different either. But what if she is wrong?
Can she start hoping again?
Will she be achieving her happy ending after-all?

-------


I just loved this story so much. I've no words to describe it. Mattie is a common-woman. I think everyone of us will be able to connect with her to some extent. How is it possible to hope for something good when every-time everything turns out to be bad?

The first meeting of Mark and Mattie is probably one of my favourite scenes from this book.

"Mattie squinted in the bright sunshine that bathed the 
coastline for the first time in nearly two weeks. Back in 
Alberta it was unusual to have two overcast days in a row. 
The rainy weather, unlike most, actually sent her spirits 
higher with excitement as she continued to explore her new home. 
A concrete path wound along the edge of the beach, 
passing through both barren spots and small patches of 
wooded areas. As she strolled along, she inhaled deeply to enjoy the sea air. It was therapeutic for Mattie, and it brought a smile to her face every time she did it; it always reminded her that her life was now her own, and that she alone had 
made the decision to move here and start her life over again. 
And that it was the best decision she ever could have made. 
She had taken a job as an administrative assistant to pay the bills, then had thrown herself wholeheartedly into the local music scene. It paid off when she managed to secure a few 
engagements in small clubs and private functions, and she 
was even starting to build a small fan base. 
She was set on autopilot, dreamily wandering along 
until she found a bench that overlooked the bay. Her purse fit neatly in the small space between where she sat and the iron railing that formed the arm rest. The wood was warm 
against her skin, inviting her to settle back, stretch her legs out and close her eyes. 
The serenity was broken in an instant when she felt 
something collide heavily with her ankles. Her eyes flew 
open to find a man at her feet, on his hands and knees where he had landed after tripping over her sandals. “Oh my god!” she gasped, clambering down to try and help him. “Are you 
okay?” 
The man managed to sit back on his heels, but no 
further as he was hopelessly tangled in his dog’s leash. He looked up to see what had caused him to fall, and found 
himself staring into her concerned eyes. He tried to answer, but his dog was pulling against his leash so hard that it 
pulled him off balance and he landed on his rear with a thud. 
“Jack!” he snapped at the retriever, who immediately 
stopped pulling and stared at him expectantly. 
Mattie glanced at the dog, then back to the man. He was 
tall and lanky, almost gangly with limbs that looked like they shouldn’t be able to coordinate into movement. His sandy 
hair had a bit of length, unruly in the breeze that had 

suddenly blown in off the water. The muscles that she could see peeking out from under his shirt rippled as he brushed the dust and pebbles from his hands. A couple of small red smudges streaked out across his palm, blood rising to the 

surface. “I’m so sorry,” she apologized, crouching down to take a look at it. 

Her touch shocked him, mostly because he was 

unaccustomed to complete strangers touching him. But when 

he looked up at her, he could see that she genuinely felt bad for tripping him. Her chin-length hair had fallen down into her mouth as she examined his hand, which she quickly 

tucked back behind her ear half a second before the wind 

blew it back in the way again. The hands that held his arm were strong, and she had instantly caught his attention. “It – 

it’s my own fault,” he stammered as he awkwardly tried to 

free himself from the leash. “I was watching him instead of looking where I was going.” 

They spent the next few moments taking in every detail 

of each other that they could get, and the silence was broken when the dog started to whine – distressed because the 

shortened leash prevented him from greeting the new 

stranger. “Jack…” he warned, giving the leash a short tug. 

“It’s okay.” Despite her inherent fear of big dogs, she 

found herself smiling. The dog had taken the cue from his 

owner and sat down, so she felt relatively safe in extending her hand. Jack sniffed tentatively at it, taking his time in deciding that the stranger was indeed safe. Mattie laughed when he started licking her fingers. But her presence of mind returned, and she looked back at his hand. “I think you need a little first aid.” 

“No, I’m really okay,” he told her. 

She got back up to retrieve her purse from the bench, 

then sat down on the ground beside him as she dug into it. “I think I have some bandages in here somewhere.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” he told her as he used his 

good hand to continue untangling the leash. 

“It’s okay. It’s the least I can do after trying to kill 

you.” 

Finally free, Jack scampered away to run off some 

energy. “Jack!” Mark hollered after him. “Come back here!” 

He started to laugh as he watched Jack sniff the trees, relieve himself, and then come thundering back after greeting a 

couple of other dogs along the way. He screeched to a halt, but sat down beside Mattie rather than in his usual place 

beside Mark. 

Watching the dog had distracted Mattie from her search, 

but after petting Jack she finally found what she was looking for. “Ah hah! I knew I had put some of these in here.” She took a couple of bandages out of the handful and handed 

them to him. “There you go.” 

“Thanks.” He opened up the first package, giving her 

the scraps when she held out her hand and waited. The 

application was awkward – it was his dominant hand that 

had been hurt. She murmured an offer of help, then moved in to cover the wounds, unconsciously caressing his fingers 

briefly before catching herself and pulling back. With his good hand he reached across and told her, “My name’s 

Mark.” 

Mattie's letters to Helen are so heart touching that they will bring tears to a person's eyes.

"It was then that I realized that I had never 

been allowed to cry. All the times that friends 

and family had cut phone calls short, or struggled to find an excuse to change the 

subject...it all suddenly made sense. Rhonda and 

Zack were nauseatingly in love, and it seemed 

that as long as you were in love, no one forced 

you to stop showing it. But when things have gone wrong and you feel absolutely pathetic, no 

one wants to be around you. 

I had listened to Rhonda in earnest ever 

since I hired her, desperately seeking a 

replacement for all the best friends I‘ve lost over 

the last three years. I was so desperate for a friend 

that I let her push me far away from the person 

that I am. And I was so desperate to try to regain 

the ground I was losing in my depression that I 

was willing to listen to and ally myself with 

almost anybody. 

Rhonda and Zack formally announced 

their engagement about a month after that, and 

they got married the following May – a year 

after they first met. Zack and I spoke only 

sporadically during that time, and I have never 

felt so disregarded in my life. It was quite clear 

that Rhonda had forbidden him from spending 

any time with me, and I suddenly discovered 

that he didn’t have the balls to stand up to her 

like I thought he would. One night he tried to 

make me feel better when he came over with my 

invitation to their wedding, telling me that he 

had fought a round with his mother-in-law in 

order to secure it. Apparently she has the same ex-

girlfriend paranoia as her daughter. I told him to 

stick it – that he wasn’t doing me any favors, 

and then I bawled that night because I felt so 

victimized by the whole situation. Everybody 

seemed to conveniently forget that if it hadn’t 

been for me, those two never would have met in 

the first place. 

I also heard that Graham rolled his car 

around that time, and my spies told me that he 

spent about a month in the hospital. Part of me 

wanted to run to him, to make sure he was okay 

and to forgive all past transgressions. But the 

stubborn side of me, for once, wouldn’t allow it – 

the part that finally woke up and realized that he 

isn’t any good for me. I comforted myself with 

the thought that he would already have somebody 

there to take care of him, not to mention the fact 

that despite all of her ranting and raving, 

Rhonda had decided to be friends with him 

again. The last thing I could have handled was 

accidentally running into them at the hospital. 

The worst part of it all was the depression. 

Nearly two years’ worth. Two years of days filled 

with such bone-chilling loneliness that there’s 

nothing you can do but stare out a window and 

cry. I can’t remember how many times I did that 

– wept openly and unabashedly with the kind of 

tears I’ve never let anyone see. I felt so sorry for 

myself because I seemed to have lost most of the 

things that had filled my life. I’ve always 

considered my closest friends to be family – you 

know that. But I also felt guilty – so guilty for 

indulging in the self-pity. There are people in 

this world who have lost so much more, and they 

managed to have reclaimed their lives. 

I suddenly woke up one day and discovered 

that I was two years older, and that nothing had 

been accomplished with my life. All I could do 

was relive what happened with Graham, and 

wallow in how betrayed I felt when his love 

turned out to only be for convenience. And with 

you, I agonized over the loss of my soul mate – 

my sister. And then to have Zack – the one who 

promised to help me when I felt the lowest – turn 

his back on me in pursuit of his cock… It was all 

too much. 

I can still feel it pulling at me, but now it 

seems much easier to work around. I have to 

make a conscious effort to keep positive, and it’s 

starting to pay off. I feel better, am healthier 

than I have ever been in my life, and I’m starting 

to feel the need to get out and socialize with people 

again. I never stopped working, but when I listen 

to the recordings I did in that time, it’s really 

easy to see that there was no soul there. 

I feel restless now, unhappy about the grass 

that’s grown under my feet. So I’ve finally 

decided to make the break for the coast and start 

over again. 

There’s just one person I have to see first. "

Mark's breakdown before Mattie will always be my one of the most favourite  emotional breakdown scenes ever.

"She watched him as he listened, never seeing such a 

lonely soul in her life. When she reached over to hug him he folded, grabbing desperately at the arm that reached around his front. “It’s okay,” she soothed, stroking his hair as he cried against her shoulder. “It’s okay.” "

I'll request everyone to read this book. It was that good. It definitely touched my heart. I hope you all will also love this story as much as I did!

Author bio :

Kayt Roth is a writer, director and actor whose debut novel, Letters to Helen, was published in 2013. She is also a playwright (A Drift in L.A) and screenwriter (Bad Morning), history geek, amateur cat lady and armchair politician who wants to be Betty White when she grows up.